Set me free (pt. 1)

I had an ‘almost’ anxiety attack yesterday while i was getting my nails done. Does ‘almost’ count? While I was soaking my nails in a bowl of chemicals, I started going over my upcoming week in my head. I have to work quite closely with the Lantern this week. Someone thought it was a good idea to put him in charge of the project I’m on. I started thinking about everything I would have to do, how frustrating it would be and the pain I would go through for the next few weeks.

Luckily, my manicurist is a bit of a meanie (but so good, which is why I keep going back) so just as I was spiralling, she pulled my hands out of the bowl and started tugging/hitting them to get me to relax my hand so she could do her thing. It was enough to pull me out. She asked if I was always that tense. Um, yeah. I don’t know why. I think i was born that way. I stress out while i’m trying to keep my hand relaxed because I don’t want to piss off my manicruist so I get more tense. It’s a vicious cycle.

So anyway, that was enough to put me out of action for the rest of the day. I was touchy and sensitive which was a sign for the Brit to stay well away from me. He stayed in his office working while I worked through my issues. Am I going crazy?

I’m feeling better today. I’m upset that I have run out of snacks to stress eat so I put through a grocery order. The worst time to do the shopping. I wonder what the grocery people think of me when 90% of the list is snack items. They may think that a child has logged on to their parent’s accound and is buying a kilo bag of frozen chicken nuggets.

I’m spending today watching TV and cuddling the Floofs. Turns out the Brit has actual work to do and it wasn’t a ploy to stay out of my way yesterday. It’s a day of relaxation before hell week. This song is my relaxation song. Far less anthemic and epic than Part 2 but stil a vibe.